December 26, 2017

......................................Absence makes the heart grow fonder? 

     If you follow over on Instagram, you already know we welcomed baby Harrison James, via emergency c section on our one year wedding anniversary, October 1st. The emergency part of everything, along with this being the first time I was cut open, ever, threw me into panic mode. Like I'm pretty sure at one point I was counting the dots in the ceiling tile pattern of the OR to take my mind off the fact that my guts were open to the air around me. None of it was as I expected and the entire day is still ridiculously fresh in my mind. Recovery was harder than anything I ever imagined.  In a lot of ways, I'm still recovering, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Of course each passing day gets better and he certainly makes every hardship worth it. In a nutshell, I'm ok. At least now I'm ok.

     In addition to the crazy that has been my life over these last three months, I feel like I've really changed as a person. According to Kiki started almost 5 years ago when I was pregnant with Penny. I wrote about nonsense, feelings, food, and everything in between. I didn't care what I was writing about. It was for me and it was what I needed at the time.

Who am I now? I've asked that question too many times to count. I feel as I have outgrown my once creative haven. Ending the blogging journey all together? Sure, it crossed my mind more than once or twice. I sort of fell into this "I won't have time for that anymore," whoa is me feeling so many moms experience. That is, until, my husband and sister started asking me why I'd stopped. Then, it hit me, I had no real reason.

     So what do you do when you feel lost? When you don't know how to continue doing something you've always loved? Something that's always made you who you are. You start over.

     I am a mom. That part of me is never going to change, and it is the best part of me. It's taught me patience, selflessness, and above all, love. Why wouldn't I want to talk about that? According to Kiki will always be one of the best things I have ever done. It introduced me to so many amazing friends; both mommies and creative minds alike. I will never forget the words of wisdom over these last five years. Now my story, our story, will continue on a new space, a new chapter, and I'd love for you to join me.

     Thank you for being a part of According to Kiki! Join us over at Raising the Rotens in the new year! 

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